Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
