Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
