Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
