The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
