sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
