doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
