Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize