tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
All the doctor said was why
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
