i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
