Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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