Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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