she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Are my feet made of real feet?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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