and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
