he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
