Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize