He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
