just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
