Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
