Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
