everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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