I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
