Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
