Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
