i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
