I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
