he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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