i think my mom watched the whole time
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
