why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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