I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
