I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
