You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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