Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
