Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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