seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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