I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
