Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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