So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
