dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
