It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
