a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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