I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
