Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
