I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
