Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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