the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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