I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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