I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
