she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
