when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
