Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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