Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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