I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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