I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
