he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
