At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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