Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
