Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
