i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
