That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
