a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
