last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
