He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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