somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
