Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
