Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector